Dear Someone: (Where are the) Girls, Girls, Girls?


Walker Lukens is a musician living and working in Austin, Texas. His latest album is called Devoted. His advice column Dear Someone runs semimonthly on Pop Press International. You can send in your own inquiries by emailing Walker here or by using the submission form at the bottom of this post. He’ll give you advice if you ask. 

Dear Walker,

I’ve been in a band now for some time, lead singer and guitar shredder, sup. We have sweet gigs all the time but I haven’t gotten many, well, any girls from it. What’s up? Am I don’t something wrong? Is it all a myth? Please advise.

Your truly,

rocker to walker,

Slmalexander Smeggins

Dear Slmalexander,

If you can’t rock the flow, then it doesn’t matter if Puffy laid the track. If you can’t dance, it doesn’t matter how you walk. Rock-n-roll won’t make a frog into a prince. Rock-n-roll won’t turn your Mad Dog 20/20 into wine. It won’t transform your sandwich into fried chicken, curry chicken, arroz con pollo or crepes. It won’t make Bill Murray into a bug. If 6 turned out to be 9, it won’t make Jimi care any more. If you’re no street walkin’ Cheetah, it won’t give you a heart full of napalm. If you’re a goon, you’ll still be nothing to a goblin.

What I’m trying to say, Slmalexander, is that if you weren’t swimming in it before you and Double Trouble started rocking, then rock-n-roll won’t change that.



However, if you’re already playing for lots of girls in different cities around the country, rock-n-roll has provided you with the most important ingredient to solving your issue: practice.

When a woman comes to talk to you after you’ve played a show in front of an audience that clearly enjoys your music, you’ve got home court advantage. She’s just seen you do the thing that you excel at. Performing takes talent, charisma, and charm—all things that make someone extra attractive. The hardest, most awkward part has already been taken care of by her!

Walker Lukens posing with fans while on tour.

merch booth

A nice old Texan man once told me that if you want someone to like you, let him or her talk about his or her self. Try deflecting questions about your sweet gigs, guitar set up, and hair and focus on her.

Another nice old Texan once told me that if you drink enough for two, you’ll always end up out of the game by one. Slow down on the well drinks and domestics courtesy of promoter-provided drink tickets. Drunkenness wont make you into Rico Sauvé, it’ll just make you more immune to negative feedback.

Another nice Texan, although not old but a pretty successful musician, told me that he has better luck with girls when his band mates are not around.1) They’re competition. 2) They fuel the drinking fire. 3) The boy’s club mentality of touring musicians isn’t always attractive to women.

Now, there’s a fork in the road here and I have no judgment about which road you take—do you just want this lady to pull the trigger on your love gun or do you want her to show you what love is? If you come in trying to force either of those things to happen, you will surely screw the pooch (only). Relax. Allow things to progress naturally. You might meet someone nice at your first show in Delaware only to seal the deal at the next one.

Question: Do you play black metal? A fresh mix of Western Swing and krautrock? Is your audience full of dudes in tee shirts looking at their Chuck Taylors? If the aim is to get more ladies in the room and into your music, I recommend integrating a ukulele or perhaps a female vocalist to blend with your voice. While both of those options might seem preposterous now, they will surely smooth out the rough edges in your music and make your music more palatable to people who have sex.

I’m sure that in a year you’ll be strokin’ to the east and the west.



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