Dear Someone: I’ve Been Known to Quiche and Tell

walkerlukenspromoWalker Lukens is a musician living and working in Austin, Texas. His latest album is called Devoted. His advice column Dear Someone runs semimonthly on Pop Press International. You can send in your own inquiries by emailing Walker here or by using the submission form at the bottom of this post. He’ll give you advice if you ask. 

 

 

Dear Walker,

You said I could ask you anything. Dawg, I wanna make a killer quiche but don’t know where to start. Help.

Sincerely,

Julian Childs

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quiche

Dear Julian,

Did you know I fancy myself something of a chef? That I kept my beer fund full as a line-cook at various central Texas delis and diners during my more formative years? That for years I could pick up an oven-baked cookie sheet with my bare hands, gaze towards the heavens, and grin ‘feel these hands Thomas’? That while my peers were fucking their way to the top, I was baking or baked or both most Saturday nights of my young urban professional early 20s? Here are some pro tips that I accrued over the years in the kitchens, mess halls, back alleys, and Simon & Garfunkel songs of America.

1)   Any frozen pie pastry will work, but making your own crust will bump your quiche into the stratosphere, dawg. It’ll add an hour or so to your quiche recipe, but there’s no comparison. If you’re trying to impress someone with your quiche, this is imperative. As my favorite Silver Jew hath said, “give a box of chocolates or a foot massage / some people don’t take the time.”

2)   Don’t let some meddling, stoned, hungry roommate / girlfriend / sous chef convince you to add more cheese than the recipe than it calls for. It will only make your quiche greasy.

3)   If you’re cooking drunk, we can’t have this conversation.

4)   Rule of thumb: chop up everything to bite-sized pieces unless it will become so soft in the oven that it can be cut with a fork.

5)   Make sure that oven is pre-heated. If you don’t know your oven well, turn it up a few degrees higher than prescribed and check it often towards the end of the prescribed time.

6)   This is not Top Chef and you’re not getting paid. Do not sub in goat cheese.

7)   Not enough love for the frittata in this country, which is healthier, quicker and potentially easier if you’re patient. A favorite recipe of mine.

8)   This is the last quiche I made. You can put pretty much anything in a quiche.

9)   Don’t put weed in your quiche.

10) You’re gonna need a mellow soundtrack to get that quiche right:

Sincerely,

Walker

To submit your inquiries for Walker’s next column, email him here, or use the submission form below.





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